I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
