who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
