Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
