if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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