We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't make out with my wife yet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
