I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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