There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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