You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
