Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
