Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
