Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
