so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize