How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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