i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
