shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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