If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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