Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize