speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
