if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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