I need help removing her.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize