How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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