1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
