Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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