why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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