i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
