the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
