dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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