Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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