my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
