TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
