Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
