He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
