I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
