Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
