i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
