This is not my ceiling
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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