tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize