She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
