I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
