I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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