When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize