Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
