you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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