i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
