I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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