Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
