I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In America we eat man semen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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