You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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