Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
