it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your penis caused this!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize