Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
