this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
