i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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