She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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