someone owes me an orgasm
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
