Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
