This is not my ceiling
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
