Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
