No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
