how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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