problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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