omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
