and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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