I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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