Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
