dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
