Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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