Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
