I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
