Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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