You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
