How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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