I'm so fucking centered right now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize