so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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