She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
