i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
